Gail and I started grad school together in 1980.  I remember Danielle and Lauren - running after them both, changing diapers.  Gail was amazing.  I always remember Jack at the same time - we were all very close.  There were only 11 of us in the program at Rice.  It was very small and competitive and we had the same advisor: Bob Dipboye.  We were very close to Bob - he was our pseudo-Dad.  He was a very nice man with a wife and a daughter and was a little more paternalistic than some of the other faculty were.  We were grateful to have Bob as our very normal advisor… we’d go to his house for dinner and we lived not too far from him and not too far from Rice.  Unfortunately, not all the faculty were like Bob.  A couple of the male faculty at that time were married with families and flagrant adulterers and Gail got propositioned once at a conference, which she rebuffed.  I remember that got in Gail’s head.  

It was “nerdsville” at Rice U and we were not nerds even though we were smart.  So we didn’t necessarily fit in as well, but we gravitated toward each other.  And we were just as passionate about the work as anyone else. We’d go off on tangents with each other about research areas that we were fascinated about.  And Gail and I got on this bandwagon with David Lane - he was our pal - and we published this paper that was really important about this statistical fallacy.  

 

While I knew Gail, I married Woody Phillips.  After awhile Gail and I were both struggling.  She was struggling with Jack and I was struggling with Woody because he was developing a bad addiction problem which he eventually died from.  Gail and Jack were very worried about Woody.  He was imploding before our very eyes and Gail was my soulmate during that time.  And Jack too - it was complicated.  We had a great trip together to our family beach house in Kiawah Island.  We were very close as couples.  When both girls were born, we just hung out.  We’d come over and help with the kids and hang out together.  Woody got sober during that time after doing some treatment at Betty Ford Center, so first it was the crisis but then afterwards he was much higher functioning.  So it was the four of us and the girls and we’d take them to dinner in the pumpkin seats. Danielle had the curly hair and was always running around.  We just did stuff.  If we wanted to hang out with Jack and Gail, we did the family thing.  We were pretty young.  We were all struggling. It was probably the only relationship I’ve ever had where the four of us were all equally close and in the trenches together. Their marriage started getting stressed at about the end of the graduate school experience.  Gail was trying to get her PHD, he was working, and so lots of disagreements about who needs to be doing what.  Who gets to go out and have fun and who stays home with the kids.  It was stressful - there was stress in their world. She was a big overachiever.  She had a really strong work ethic.  Admirable, amazing work ethic.  And LOVED her family.  It was all equally important.  And it always seemed really hard.  Jack admired her and you could tell they had passion for each other.  He admired her intellect.  They were fun and he was fun.  We had a great time together.  

 

She went through the coursework section for the first two years without children but to do the PHD it’s 3 years of doing all the work and doing research and supporting the faculty and doing her own project.  She was publishing WHILE trying to take care of two babies.  I can picture in my head Danielle running around naked and Lauren in a pumpkin seat and Gail is so upbeat … she was always so positive, upbeat and optimistic.   

 

She was amazing about being a mom.  She had no business doing everything you’re supposed to do as a mom but she would do it all.  Whatever little thing you could do for a 3 year old, she’d be doing it – like putting on the elaborate birthday party.  I’d come over and we’d be on no sleep and she’d be making the cookies for the birthday party.  It was just Gail - she just had a really big heart.  A big brain and a big heart and those could run cross-purposes. 

 

I couldn’t have made it through grad school without her.  She was my best friend.  When she married Mark and all of that, we were not always the greatest in keeping in touch but when we did it was long phone calls and we were similar to each other in that it was family first and then trying to juggle everything else.